Saturday, October 2, 2010

Bad News Blog-fest challenge.

Here is my sweet little entry for the ‘Bad News’ blog-fest, hosted by Francine at Romancing the Blog. Click here to be taken to her site and view the other participants. Leave comments and follow, follow, follow.

Bad News:

I felt the ground soak my energy as dry land drank from the rain.
“Belita,” Merle questioned.
I couldn’t move.
His breath moistened my cheek.
“Go away,” I said.
“No.”
The sensation in my hands began to return.
My heart started its rhythm once more.
I would live, despite everything, I would live.
“What happened?”
Merle was a nosy brat. How could I tell him? He would announce it to the world, to our parents.
“Did a bee sting you?”
A bee? Oh yes, we were to collect honey, I forgot.
“I will tell Mama.”
It was my turn to utter his favorite word.
“No.”
An elf came as if on the breeze.
Merle saw him first. “Nadriel,” he said.
“Merle, return home and leave me with Belita.”
Merle obeyed. Nadriel always had power over him.
“Why have you come?” The words fluttered from me like broken wings on a sparrow.
“I heard.”
“You did nothing to stop it.”
“I was powerless.”
“I do not believe you.”
The wind whispered through autumn leaves bringing the final blow.
“He returned to Talaith. His duty required it of him.”
I tasted the autumn sun. It burned my throat.
“What of me?”
“You will live.”
“I will never love.”
“Love will blossom with the winter solstice.”
“You know so little of men,” I said.
“I know enough.”
“Did you think? Did you consider the consequence before you cast your spell?”
He said nothing.
“An elf in the woods with his lyre. You said it was nothing. But he followed the music, ensnared by your charm. We were both trapped; I a commoner and he a prince…now we both carry our shame for the rest of our days.”
Still, Nadriel said nothing.
“I have become used, I am…” I couldn’t utter the hated word.
“I am what you made me Nadriel. The laws of men are not the same as with the elves.”
“I will send you another,” Nadriel said.
“I don’t want any other.”
“The lake has revealed the one for you.”
He had spoken of the lake before. A mystery he refused to explain. His riddle did nothing to persuade me.
“I have seen him. He resides not far from here,” Nadriel said.
I remained silent.
“Here,” Nadriel said. “Drink this and your shame will be forgotten and you will have peace.”
“If my shame is forgotten so will be my memory.”
He didn’t respond and still held the vial for me to take. I stared at it. Frosted glass concealed its color. I took it and felt its warmth. The scent of it was like lemon grass and violets in spring. More elfin magic?
We parted and I returned home.
In the morning, I dug a hole in the ground and poured Nadriel’s potion into it. I would have none of it. In the coming months I would marry this new man he spoke of, but my heart would always belong to my prince.

Any ideas for a title? Any lingering questions? Ask and I shall answer.

31 comments:

Jeffrey Beesler said...

Excellent piece. Love the names and the characters shine through in this story. The description of the potion was especially effective. Great job!

Francine said...

Hi,

Very touching and emotional scene, methinks.

There's element of suggestiveness and air of something deeper going on, needless to say I'd love to be able to read on!

best
F

N. R. Williams said...

I am thrilled you liked my characters and potion Jeffrey.

Perhaps I will write more Francine, I hadn't thought about it.

Thank you both for your comments.
Nancy

Francine said...

Hi,

I hope you didn't think my entry is that of another writer (?) It's my own work, from latest completed novel.

best
F

Jules said...

Tragic tale of elfin magic. I really like the story here, such bad news indeed.

Nice story :D
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

N. R. Williams said...

Francine, I'm glad you clarified that.

Yeah, Jules, the elves should mind their own business...but they do love to interfere sometimes.

Thank you for your comments.
Nancy

The Golden Eagle said...

I love it! It may be bad news, but it's very well-written bad news. :)

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Nice entry. Good imagery.

Talei said...

Ah this has such a sadness about it, I enjoyed reading your piece. And a potion to forget shame, that would be amazing. ;)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Like to know about what happened before this scene.

N. R. Williams said...

Thank you Golden I appreciate your praise.

Thank you Wendy...I worked hard on the imagery.

The elves have many tricks, some are useful. I'm glad you enjoyed it Talei.

I leave the before to your imagination Alex.

Thank you all for reading and leaving a comment.
Nancy

Dawn Embers said...

Well done. I do enjoy seeing something that mentions elves. I was a little confused in the middle but the end really solidifed things for me.

L'Aussie said...

Beautifully written bad news. I love your descripions: The words fluttered from me like broken wings on a sparrow. Lovely..:)

N. R. Williams said...

Thank you L'Aussie. I enjoyed your post as well.
Nancy

N. R. Williams said...

I'm sorry the middle was confusing for you Dawn and I'm glad you like elves. Thank you for your comment.
Nancy

Brenda Drake said...

I was so happy she didn't drink that potion. You left me curious as to this new man coming into her life. Good job! :D

Will Burke said...

Good use of show-don't-tell. I got the picture of what was happening, along with the grand scope of the story, with just enough not "laid bare" for me to feel clever for figuring it out :)

Talli Roland said...

I love the dialogue here and how you wrap it all up in the end! Really enjoyed it.

N. R. Williams said...

Curiosity is good Brenda, contrary to popular belief, the cat didn't die, he became a writer.

Thank you Will for sharing your observations. I'm glad I succeeded with my intent.

I am so glad you enjoyed it Talli.

Thank you all for reading, commenting and following.
Nancy

Liz Fichera said...

Loved the line, "The lake has revealed the one for you." Such haunting imagery, and great cliffhanger!

N. R. Williams said...

Thank you Liz. After many years of trial and error, critiques, writing, editing and attending workshops and conferences, I think I might have learned something.
Nancy

Rachel Morgan said...

I would really like to know the rest of the story!

N. R. Williams said...

It's percolating Rachel, thanks for your comment.
Nancy

WritersBlockNZ said...

Wow beautiful - it sounded like poetry

N. R. Williams said...

Thank you Writers...though I am not a poet.
Nancy

Clara said...

I have to say Im hooked. Not only on this snippet but on your story. I really would like to read it! Sounds amazing, and right from my street. Amazing job here, seriously.

N. R. Williams said...

I am honored Clara, thank you so much.
Nancy

Jacee Drake said...

I loved this entry (snippet). You leave tons of little dangling hooks to keep me intrigued to need to know what comes next. And I loved how she poured the potion out but is willing to go along with Nadriel's new mate.

Great job!

N. R. Williams said...

Thank you so much Jacee...I am glad you want to know more.
Nancy

Elena Solodow said...

What's great about this is you don't need to know the backstory to follow what's going on. Well done!

N. R. Williams said...

Thank you kindly Elena. And I appreciate your taking the time to comment.
Nancy