As many of you know, I have been editing my ms like a crazy person. I think the first chapter has improved. I’ve rewritten it well over thirty times. Initially I changed the focus, then to my critique group in put, and so on. Now I have the final version thanks to my editor and critique group friends. While I worked on this last week, I thought it might be fun to share it. The first paragraph is vital to any story. Does it capture the imagination and make the reader want to continue? I know I sweat over this and I think most of my writing friends do as well. So here are two choices for the first paragraph.
1. Missie’s song swept high. She adjusted the beat into staccato notes that oscillated in her ear as a summer breeze through aspen leaves. The tone of her flute mimicked the meadow lark in clarity of pitch. In her mind she heard a wind chime and the flute tinkled the notes in response. Now she dropped the rhythm, and counted, one, two, and three…hold.
2. Missie’s song swept high, the staccato notes like a summer breeze through aspen leaves, the flute’s clarity as clear as a meadow lark. In her mind she heard a wind chime and the flute tinkled the notes in response. Now she dropped the rhythm, and counted, one, two, and three…hold.
Which is your favorite? Why? Is this enough to make you want to read more?