Today's theme: Lost.
For your enjoyment here is an excerpt from my epic fantasy, The Treasures of Carmelidrium, chapter twenty-two, The Spring Festival Dance. In case you have heard me talk about my heroine Missie, that is her nickname, her given name is Michelle. She is a modern American University student and gifted flutist. Prince Healden is heir to the throne of Gil-Lael. His name is pronounced with a silent 'a' like Heath.
Healden frowned, stood, and stared at Michelle in disbelief. Not again! The ache of need swept through him. He loved her beyond raison d'être.Michelle stepped farther away and he knew she already second-guessed their passion. Why would she not yield?
“If I go home,” Michelle began. “My heart will be ripped from me, and yet…how can I hurt my family?”
Healden shut his eyes and folded his fingers around the ring. He’d heard this complaint from her repeatedly for the past three months.
“How can you ignore the passion you have just demonstrated and refuse our love?” Healden’s voice rose with his anger. “Your kisses betray the truth. I know you love me.”
Michelle began to tremble; her bare shoulders shook while tears fell along her cheeks. Healden ignored this show of emotion. Hadn’t he shown her every restraint, every care? Did she expect a rational answer?
“Can’t you understand how hard it is?” Michelle’s voice choked.
“Damn you, woman, you drive me insane with desire. You eat at our table, occupy my home, and entice me with your body. What game do you play?”
Michelle gasped.
Healden continued. “You have pledged your love with your kisses if not with your voice. Have you not seen the women who would marry me if I asked? Every one of them! Yet you hold me in your hand and squeeze my love between your fingers and deny my vow.” His voice grew louder.
The tears ran unchecked down Michelle’s cheeks now. Healden watched her wipe them away with the heel of her gloved hand, but didn’t offer his kerchief. He opened his palm and held forth the ring. “I ask it again, marry me.”
“Healden,” her voice a whisper, “I cannot.”
Healden shut his eyes, folded his hand over the ring again and bent his head. Oh cruel game, Healden thought.
He gazed at her dispassionately and denied his ardent love. “I waste my time with you!” Then he cast the ring away into the dark, turned, and left her.
This came in at 339 words. The Treasures of Carmelidrium is an e-book available at Amazon, Barnes & Nobels, iBookstore and Smashwords.com Links are on the left hand side.
26 comments:
Nice conflict here, with the greatest stake, love. Both seem torn by her decision, she as well as he. I like the way he flings the ring away at the end, it's a nice way to close the scene.
I like the part where he throws the ring across the room.
The conflict is good in this scene. We get to see some princely arrogance and impatience as well as her turmoil. The resolution has to involve loss of some sort.
Thank you Joanne, conflict in our writing is so important.
Hi Angela, a beautiful ring tossed away.
Nice to see you Margo. Princely arrogance. I actually hadn't thought of that so much as manly arrogance. Hehe.
Thanks everyone for coming by and reading my Romantic Friday Writers submission.
Nancy
Oh gosh, poor woman. He sounds like a callous brute! :OO
Oh dear, he isn't that at all. But as he said, she has been a real tease. Thanks for stopping by Madeleine.
Nancy
I hate to be unoriginal, but great conflict.
I know what you mean Holly. Sometimes I can't think of an original comment for the life of me.
Nancy
That was so full of angst and tension. Loved it! That he didn't offer his handkerchief was telling. Great post.
Edge of Your Seat Romance
Clashes of cultures and worlds are never pretty, especially where the heart is concerned. You drew us into the hurt of both characters. Bravo, Roland
Hi Nancy,
First off, I loved the novel full stop, and this scene I remember!!
You chose a great excerpt for today's theme: the tension electric, and Healden givig vent to inner frustrations! :o
best
F
oooooh. As soon as I get the e-reader thing sussed, I'm soooo finding out where this goes - great excerpt, really enjoyed the read. Thankyou
Lx
Tightly written. Is it arrogance? Or is it merely a protective camouflage for his wounded heart and fear of losing her? (Someone once said that the softest hearts have the hardest coverings, or something like that.) Would love to know why she can't...and if she will. :)
There's a world of hurt here Nancy. Your writing flows so well throughout this scene. Perfectly fitting for the Lost theme. Thank you so much for participating this week.
Denise<3
Thank you Raquel.
Cultures and time period are hard to overcome, thanks Roland.
Your review of my story is my favorite, Francine. Of course I appreciate everyone's review.
What a compliment Laura, thank you.
Ah, Li, I can't give away all my secrets.
Hey Denise, it's just the thing for my frustrated muse. Thank you for inviting me.
Thanks everyone for coming by, reading and leaving a comment.
Nancy
I remember this scene.... It reads even better the second time around...
Have a great weekend Nancy.
Wow powerful. I don't know much about the scenes surrounding it but I can tell she's conflicted with many emotions.
Thank you Michael.
I praise Clarissa. Thanks.
Nancy
Sorry, but I'm new here and I'm afraid I don't know the history of these two. What I observe is both are hurting. He, because she won't commit fully to him and her who won't sacrifice her family for love.
Such tough choices to make in life.
I'm smiling, because in one of the poems I wrote recently, "LOVE HAS FINALLY FOUND HER", my "hero" actually offers his handkerchief to the weeping woman.
Anyway, I'd love to know more about Healden & Michelle and who wins/loses in this riveting tale.
Thank you for sharing.
My entry for the theme "LOST" is here:-
http://mypoetcharm.blogspot.com/2011/01/incomplete-without-you.html
Hi Nancy, haven't had much time to read lately but I have started your book and I am enjoying what I have read so far!
Nancy, I dropped by to thank you for your concern about Louisiana and saw that my original comment hadn't been posted. Hmmm, I'll have to see if I missed the word verification. As much as I try, I occasionally do that. Anyway, I totally loved your post, especially the conflict and how it built, the tugging back and forth with the ring tossed at the end.
My Louisiana farm is just out the flood zone, but we're expecting some back spillage. Before this happened, I'd planned several stories that involved the Atchafalaya River basin. I just can't throw my heart into those stories now when I know so many in that area who are losing everything. I usually post about once a week or so. Denise's fest has disciplined me to every Friday, a good thing as I'm very much a free spirit.
Again, thank you for your concern. That's very nice of you!
Hmmm, there's no word verification. I haven't a clue what happened except, as I posted, the Internet's been diming out on me. I know I was surprised not to see my comment.
I'll stop by tomorrow Andy.
Thank you Siv.
Hi Kittie:
It is so sad what is happening along the Mississippi. I hope all is well with you. I'll see if your comment went to spam.
Thanks everyone.
Nancy
Hi Nancy,
Just a little add-on: you've been tagged! See my blog. ;)
best
F
Nice set up, good conflict...now I want to read how it ends. WOuld they get together and how would they resolve their conflict? WHy is she refusing to marry a Prince?
Guess I have to read the book to find out!
Oh...thanks Francine.
I hope you do read it Nas. Thanks for the compliment.
Nancy
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