Today's challenge is: First Love
Winona ran to the bathroom, her make-up bag tucked under her arm. With haste she scrubbed her face, glared at the black-head on her nose and applied concealer before spreading the foundation over all. Last she highlighted her blue eyes with mascara. God, why didn't she wake up sooner? She threw on a sweater and slipped into her tennis shoes before running out the door to catch the bus. Would Alex be on board? She hoped so.
The edge of her finger tips felt ice cold in the autumn breeze. A cascade of golden leaves blew all around her and she felt them stick to her dark hair. Yanking one out she boarded the bus and caught her breath. There, in the back row was Alex. A smile tugged at her mouth. An obnoxious ring sounded in her ear.
"Sit already," the bus driver admonished.
Winona moved; eyes locked on Alex's. Patricia stuck her leg out and Winona stumbled, catching herself in an awkward fall and landed in Ryan's lap.
"Hay babe, you finally noticed," Ryan said, his aftershave left a tangy tickle on her nose.
Alex laughed. A weight settled over her mind and heart. Inspiration wasn't Winona's usual skill, but in an insane move she gazed at Ryan's chocolate eyes and said. "Yes." Then she planted a kiss full on his lips. The laughter around her died. An unexpected thrill stung her heart. She opened her eyes to see warmth spread over Ryan's face. He kissed her back and held her so tight she moaned. A moment later she sat on the seat with Ryan and his hand held hers. Gone was all thought of Alex. Why hadn't she ever noticed Ryan before this? She would never forget him after his kiss. A giddy sensation filled her and when they arrived at school, they walked hand in hand to their first class.
Word count 314
First Love isn't my forte; I hope I did it justice and that you all enjoyed it.
Friday is insane for me with a lot of errands. If I don't see you today I'll be by tomorrow.
Do you need help with your writing? I'm offering affordable classes online. Go to The Writing Craft to learn more.
Nancy
24 comments:
I like the atmosphere! I get a really good sense of where and when she is. So cute!
This is charming, Nancy! So true of school loves and crushes, of course you do the theme justice. Oh, those school bus journeys :-)
Thank you Ruth and Margo. I appreciate your comments.
Nancy
Hi,
Lovely descriptions, Nancy, and I love the incident of burning crush smote by accidental romance! Neat twist... ;)
best
F
Nancy, I love this especially the twist at the end. Very original.
Sometimes we waste so much time pining for someone when the right one is right under our noses. Well written.
I like the twist at the end!
Yeah for Ryan & his aftershave!
Sometimes all it takes is one kiss and you know...
Thank you Francine. Funny, when I started writing it was all Alex and then Ryan appeared.
Hi Kiru, glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you Golden.
So true Beverly.
Thanks everyone for coming by and leaving a comment.
Nancy
Dear Nancy,
Thank you for your comment on my post. I like the names too, but I don't think I can use the name Tintomara if I write this in Swedish. It is too well-known. Almqvist was a wonderful Romantic writer who would have been world famous if he had written in a larger language like German, English or French.
I'm going to revise my text and post it with other 'Rewrites'.
------
Your story is a very good solution to the 'First Love' - theme-challenge. I like the unexpected ending. So true to the way young people are. Talk about living in the present, the here and now, and being so selfish that she doesn't see anyone else.
Lovely description.
Well done!
Best wishes,
Anna
For the benefit of other readers:
Anna's RFWers' Challenge No. 23-'First Love'
Hi Anna
Thank you so much for your kind comments. I'm sure you'll find a name that touches the heart.
Nancy
Always enjoy a good twist. Ahhh, I miss that feeling of first love :)
now this is my kind of read, really good
A great read, Nancy. I have a delicious sense of anticipation now when I come around to read your stories because I know you are often extending yourself with great results. I was fixated on that blackhead throughout, ugh, but it showed nicely who we were dealing with here. Lovely and twisty and so YA. You could easily extend this into a short story.
Hope all is ticking along now for you and your family.
Denise
Hello.
I really enjoyed this.
I had to laugh, because I can see the look on Patricia's face as her joke backfired on her.
Nice ending too.
The Beauty Of Love
I love how she stopped their laughing with the kiss. I love, LOVE the descriptions of fall with the leaves in her hair and her cold fingertips. Great job!
Hi, Nancy,
What a sweet unexpected twist. I liked her angst in the beginning. Nice description and a lovely beginning to a first romance.
I hope you're having a great weekend and enjoying the fall foliage.
Give Siv a hug from me when you see her.
I like the twist and the descriptive 2nd paragraph. Very nice.
The innocence of a first kiss for two young ones! You did wonderful things with this story, from the setting to the description and the characters. Then the twist at the end. Beautifully done and with few words too. Well done, Nancy.
Oh...and I'm a sucker for some nice tangy aftershave. So that really got me too. Lol.
Hi Siv, I'm glad you enjoyed this.
Hi praise Tony, I am thrilled you liked the story so much.
Yeah, I remember well the horrible skin of my teenage years Denise. Your comment is very special for so many reasons.
Thank you so much Andy.
Hi Sarcasm, it is wonderful to see such a fabulous comment and I'm so happy you enjoyed my story.
I will give Siv a huge for you Michael. Glad you liked my story.
Thanks Sche...
Ha, ha Adura...I love the aftershave. So glad you liked the story.
Boy you all...such great praise. I didn't think this story was all that good, but I guess I under estimated it. Thanks again everyone.
Nancy
Enjoyed it Nancy!
Lisa
I love how she turned the tables and went with it! And then discovering what was before her all this time.... *sigh* first love is so much fun!
Thank you Lisa.
Hi Kerrin, I love writing strong female protagonist. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Nancy
Nancy back for second read. Love it. D
Thanks Denise.
Nancy
Post a Comment