Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Positive Reinforcement.

The first Wednesday of the month is dedicated to The Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh. This month only it is combined with the A - Z Challenge if you are participating. I am not. To read other insecure post, go here.

I have elected to post on a series of subjects because it seems that these things affect me the most in my life. My first post was in November and I shared my greatest insecurity. I followed that with the need to persevere in December. To read either or both go here. I missed the post for January thru March 2012, due to illness.

Today I will talk about self talk. You know, positive thoughts lead to positive change. To do this justice I will break it down into two posts. Today it is all about what you say to yourself. Next month I'll cover toxic people.

As I have shared, my childhood was difficult. My Mom was a wonderful support, but even so, she had her own set of insecurities. My Mom is proud, she couldn't bare that one of her children had or was perceived to have had, a mental disability. So while in reality, I didn't have a long term problem, in the fifties she was told I did by the school system. That led to a dual battle for my Mom. I remember well the conversations with her parents about 'Nancy.' Many times while I was just within earshot I heard, "There's something wrong with Nancy."

How do you self talk your way out of that?

While as an adult now, I realize my Mom needed to vent her fears, but the effect that this had on me was negative. At the same time, it was my Mom who taught me to read and gave me the strength to overcome a learning disability. She did so using many wonderful tools and so, not only can I read, write and spell, I am a published author. Yoo, hoo!

How does this affect me now?

Many of you are aware that I have been very sick. When I am sick, it is like a black cloud comes and settles over me. The longer and more severe the illness the worse that cloud is. Positive self enforcement goes by the way side. I can't seem to pull myself out. Writing helps. But all I see are the negatives in life. Add a liberal amount of sorrow and you have a burned pie, so to speak. It takes everything for me to get up and function at all, let alone tell myself positive things. Fear becomes my blanket. How can I go on?

As a Christian, I have learned to leave those fears and insecurities with God. There is one song that I hum, since singing is difficult with bronchitis. The chorus goes: I surrender all, I surrender all, all to Thee my blessed Savior I surrender all.

This is a powerful song. All the fears, disappointments, and even the hope that I will achieve my writing goals are now in the hands of God. I cannot bear them all alone. They will bury me, so by giving the negatives and the positives to God, I am lifted up. The cloud of illness will still be with me, but I will live to see a new day and a new me.

How do you handle positive reinforcement?


Li said...

I'm blessed to have family and friends who support me - and bring it to my attention when I "talk myself down". :-)

Dawn Embers said...

I still need to work on positive reinforcement. Every time people bring up the whole think positive to bring positive I feel myself getting a little annoyed. At some point it got associated in my mind with my grandma who would always complain I didn't smile enough. Like I was supposed to sit around all day long with a big smile on my face. I tried to tell her I'm just thinking about something but would always be told not to look so serious.

Hope you are feeling better. The blog looks great. :-)

N. R. Williams said...

Hi Li
You are blessed.

Hi Dawn
The best intentions of others can sure go wrong.

Thanks for stopping by.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

And that's the best thing to do - turn it over to God. He can definitely handle it and helps us get through it.

DeniseCovey_L_Aussie said...

Hi Nancy. We are definitely the products of our childhood experiences so that is one of the reasons i'm doing the childhood blogger posts for the A-Z challenge. If you're exposed to experiences such as you had they can live with you forever as you've discovered. Who can say what brings on feelings of depression, self loathing, confusion - is it just our brain or is it our soul? We've each got to come to self acceptance, however long it takes - and as a writer, this can be hard if you continually suffer rejection! Life wasn't meant to be easy as I think it was Bernard Shaw said. Supporting each other helps. You have a lot of blogger friends who care about you Nancy.


N. R. Williams said...

Hi Alex
Yes he does.

Jamie Gibbs said...

I think my optimism borders on delusion sometimes, where positive thinking sometimes get in the way of realism. I'm a 'glass half full' guy even when there's no glass there and there's water soaking your shoes.

Jamie Gibbs
Fellow A-Z Buddy
Mithril Wisdom

Anonymous said...

Surrendering is the name of the game. I've gotten quite good at it over the years. Makes life easier to move forward knowing I'm in good hands!

Jules said...

Oh Nancy, I've been away from blog world and I'm sorry to read this. I grew up singing that song and you right, Power!

Here if you need.

Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow