Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Insecure Writer's Support Group, Fear

Hi everyone. It's time again for another addition of the Insecure Writer's Support Group. IWSG. Brain child of Alex J. Cavanugh, writer and blogger extraordinaire.To read what others are saying go here.

Last month I read a post that talked about another writer's fear. Since then I've done a lot of thinking about fear and so here I am writing about it.

I could have titled this post by many subjects. Depression, Anxiety, Lack of Motivation, basically all the emotions that come to play and stem from Fear.

Fear comes from many sources:

Psychological Fear, one often associated with abuse, or with trauma that usually takes place when we are young, but not always.

Emotional Fear, one that develops from abuse or from loss. Your father, mother, siblings, teacher, acquittance abused you physically or verbally and left scars or they died suddenly. You were bullied and now you question your abilities.Or an educational subject, English, Math, Science, etc., was difficult for you and you dreaded going to class, never achieving the desired goal.

Phobias, fear of heights, fire, crowds, spiders, public appearances, you name it.

There isn't one of us free of Fear.

As a writer I can tap into any number of fears and enhance the tension and sub-plot of my characters. As a human, I detest that I must deal with my own fears and wonder what freedom I would have if I could just start the day without any. I bet you feel the same way.

What to do? First recognize where your fear stems from. Mine stems from years of abuse. My father, my siblings, bullies at school, my husband and finally my children who learned from their father how to push my buttons. I'm happy to say that the teenage years are past and much of the negative behavior with it. Also, my husband received Jesus and has changed. All good news. But I still have scars that don't want to heal.

Here is my method of dealing with Fear. Prayer is essential and often the only thing that helps. In addition I allow myself to enjoy certain hobbies and I tell myself the entire time that I am a valuable human being who is intelligent and talented. A good friend and faithful partner. All of this is true so there is no little devil on my shoulder arguing with my conscious. Even so, I crave positive feedback. There's never enough. So I must also exercise the pesky feedback person into a corner.

That's it. Anyone out there that can relate?

On a side note, this is post number 400.

Next week, Nov. 14,  Yolanda Renee at Defending the Pen is featuring me as 'The Next Big Thing.' Yolanda is featured today so head over and say hi.

Blog content and stories are Copyrighted 2012, use with permission only.


Denise Covey said...

Hi Nancy. Great post for IWSG. WE are all fearful at times, but it isn't good to play into those fears. I'm glad your years of abuse are over with. More power to you!

Siv Ottem said...

Love your post Nancy. Congrats on post 400!Hope you and your family are doing well. You know what they say, what does not kill us makes us stronger, Using our fear in our writing is often scary but a valuable tool :)

N. R. Williams said...

Hi Denise
Me too.

Hi Siv
You're so right.

Thank you both for stopping by.

M Pax said...

I believe you're right. No one gets through the years unscathed.

Positive feedback is so wonderful. It's hard not to crave it. Sometimes when I haven't heard anything, I fear I did something wrong.

N. R. Williams said...

Hi M.
Me too.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Prayer! Because if you have faith, fear will flee.

The Golden Eagle said...

I can relate to fear. And positive feedback does help shore up fear and doubt.

Congratulations on 400 posts!

N. R. Williams said...

Hi Alex
You're right.

Hi Golden

I appreciate you both coming by.

Heather Murphy said...

Fear is a powerful emotion and can control our entire lives if we let it. Writing is a great way to let go of it and turn it around.
I'm happy that things have turned around for you in your own life. It sounds like you have some valuable stories to share because of it.

N. R. Williams said...

Hi Heather
I don't think I would have the character range without my own suffering. While I'd love to be free of the past, the truth is, the past has given me a wealth of compassion and understanding. Thanks for coming by.

Nicki Elson said...

You are so wise.

Do you know what the most frequently mentioned command in the Bible is? Don't be afraid! Isn't it cool?

N. R. Williams said...

Hi Nicki
Thanks for the compliment. I wasn't aware that was the most frequent but how appropriate that it is. I think mankind fears many things.

Thanks for coming by.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Nancy .. I've had my fair share (nothing approaching your experiences) - but as you say you learn and can appreciate many things more easily. The worst is the stress that lingers and eats away - it's challenging to throw off ... I have to do that now and am girding my loins in that direction.

Support is so important - bloggers are great in that regard ... so pleased life is easier now .. we're here ..

Cheers Hilary

N. R. Williams said...

Hi Hilary
The stress can zap you of your energy, so absolutely, we must shed it.

Jamie Gibbs said...

Happy 400th post! I agree that if you let fear get the better of you, it'll choke you and make you paralysed. I like your idea of using hobbies to calm your mind and get rid of fear :)