Welcome to another edition of Romantic Friday Writers. This week it's 'Birthday Madness,' in honor of our two host, Denise and Donna. They are both October Babies. Libra's! So read my story and then head over to RFW and follow the links to read all the other excellent stories. Can you tell I'm having fun? Get out the virtual champagne, let's celebrate!.
Let's see how I did with the challenge of just 400 words and a little romance too.
#
Shika drew the wagon filled with produce to a stop in the center of the Gypsy camp and stepped carefully down.
“Libra.” A middle aged woman greeted her.
“I’m sorry, Amaia, what do you mean?” Shika admired Amaia’s long black locks that curled tight against the colorful scarf she wore and followed her to a table.
“What question do you have for me tonight?” Amaia asked.
“Ah…I think you are troubled on this, your 24th Birthday.”
“How did you know?”
Amaia gestured toward the heavens. The moon was a sliver and the night sky swam with stars. “Do you see that constellation there?” She pointed to a brilliant set of stars.
“They shine bright for you tonight, Shika. They are Libra, as are you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Is it not your Birthday?”
“Yes.”
“Then Libra is your birth sign, you possess all the qualities.”
“What qualities?”
“You harbor us. Exchanging your food for our herbal remedies to tend to your serfs. You bring peace and order to your household and endure an unfaithful husband.”
“Are they not all unfaithful?”
“Perhaps. You stand against social opinion and never beat your servants nor speak a word of anger against them.”
“They serve my needs better when I treat them with respect.”
"There you see, my sweet Libra, even your words now are kind toward those that others loathe.”
Violins played. A group of women had begun to dance.
"Come,” a young man said and offered Shika his hand, darker than her own. They danced. Her kimono was tight against her legs while the gypsies favored brightly ornate fabrics blended into ankle high skirts that swept out freely as they danced.
The young man caught her close. She could smell wood smoke on his shirt. His black hair fell loose around his ears and his black eyes, so round compared to hers, twinkled in the firelight. An intense longing overcame Shika. If only she were a gypsy girl, unmarried with no responsibility, then perhaps--- Before she realized it he kissed her full on the lips. Shika shut her eyes. Never had she been kissed in this manner. Passion inflamed her; yearning intoxicated her, why did her husband lack feeling?
The crowd cheered. Shika flushed. He withdrew his lips.
“Happy Birthday!” The gypsies shouted. The young man turned Shika toward a baby lamb with a woven ribbon around its neck.
Word Count: 378
Can you guess what nationality inspired me to write Shika?
Shika lives in Shea-Talon, a country that inhabits my alternate fantasy world. I will turn this into a short story and in the future, Shika will also be in an epic fantasy story. I am several stories in the series away from that, but the short story will be one of five I finish this month and publish as an e-book. (I’m not sure when they will be published, edits, editor, more edits and book covers too.)
Return this Monday for my new series on Short Stories and Flash Fiction. I will use this story as an example of how to cut excess words to trim what you’ve written without losing substance and creating short fiction.
Look at this to see what I mean:
First Draft: Word Count: 552
2nd Version: Word Count: 496
This Version: Word Count: 378
How did I do that?
I hope you liked it.
Nancy
PS. Still looking for critique partners and/or Beta Readers, if interested say so in the comments. Thanks.
All stories and content on this blog are copyrighted and may not be used without permission from the author. All stories are fictional and are not about living people.
Romantic Friday Writer's story link.
Let's see how I did with the challenge of just 400 words and a little romance too.
#
Shika drew the wagon filled with produce to a stop in the center of the Gypsy camp and stepped carefully down.
“Libra.” A middle aged woman greeted her.
“I’m sorry, Amaia, what do you mean?” Shika admired Amaia’s long black locks that curled tight against the colorful scarf she wore and followed her to a table.
“What question do you have for me tonight?” Amaia asked.
“Ah…I think you are troubled on this, your 24th Birthday.”
“How did you know?”
Amaia gestured toward the heavens. The moon was a sliver and the night sky swam with stars. “Do you see that constellation there?” She pointed to a brilliant set of stars.
“They shine bright for you tonight, Shika. They are Libra, as are you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Is it not your Birthday?”
“Yes.”
“Then Libra is your birth sign, you possess all the qualities.”
“What qualities?”
“You harbor us. Exchanging your food for our herbal remedies to tend to your serfs. You bring peace and order to your household and endure an unfaithful husband.”
“Are they not all unfaithful?”
“Perhaps. You stand against social opinion and never beat your servants nor speak a word of anger against them.”
“They serve my needs better when I treat them with respect.”
"There you see, my sweet Libra, even your words now are kind toward those that others loathe.”
Violins played. A group of women had begun to dance.
"Come,” a young man said and offered Shika his hand, darker than her own. They danced. Her kimono was tight against her legs while the gypsies favored brightly ornate fabrics blended into ankle high skirts that swept out freely as they danced.
The young man caught her close. She could smell wood smoke on his shirt. His black hair fell loose around his ears and his black eyes, so round compared to hers, twinkled in the firelight. An intense longing overcame Shika. If only she were a gypsy girl, unmarried with no responsibility, then perhaps--- Before she realized it he kissed her full on the lips. Shika shut her eyes. Never had she been kissed in this manner. Passion inflamed her; yearning intoxicated her, why did her husband lack feeling?
The crowd cheered. Shika flushed. He withdrew his lips.
“Happy Birthday!” The gypsies shouted. The young man turned Shika toward a baby lamb with a woven ribbon around its neck.
Word Count: 378
Can you guess what nationality inspired me to write Shika?
Shika lives in Shea-Talon, a country that inhabits my alternate fantasy world. I will turn this into a short story and in the future, Shika will also be in an epic fantasy story. I am several stories in the series away from that, but the short story will be one of five I finish this month and publish as an e-book. (I’m not sure when they will be published, edits, editor, more edits and book covers too.)
Return this Monday for my new series on Short Stories and Flash Fiction. I will use this story as an example of how to cut excess words to trim what you’ve written without losing substance and creating short fiction.
Look at this to see what I mean:
First Draft: Word Count: 552
2nd Version: Word Count: 496
This Version: Word Count: 378
How did I do that?
I hope you liked it.
Nancy
PS. Still looking for critique partners and/or Beta Readers, if interested say so in the comments. Thanks.
All stories and content on this blog are copyrighted and may not be used without permission from the author. All stories are fictional and are not about living people.
Romantic Friday Writer's story link.
