Wednesday, December 4, 2013


It's the first Wednesday of the last month of 2013 which means it's time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group or ISWG. Brain child of Alex J. Cavanaugh. When your finished reading my post (and after you comment hopefully,) I have provided a link so you can read other post.

The idea behind this blog hop is to be encouraged or provide encouragement to the blog author who is participating. This month I need a virtual tissue.

It is Monday night as I write this and I have been crying for two hours. Why?

Because I have a demon that follows me around. He is a big blue blob with a down turned mouth and droopy eyes and his name is 'Why should I bother.' Another name he goes by is depression. Oh yes, I suffer from this terrible illness and it has me in its grip tonight. Why?

I have been working hard on a series of short stories with a goal to put them up two weeks apart starting the week of Christmas. My goal is to allow readers to find me. Readers haven't discovered me in any number even though I've got two e-books available. Sadly, I won't achieve my goal. Why?

My computer has been attacked by numerous virus over the last three years and this week it stopped allowing me online. So I put all my stories on a USBkey and dug out my old computer. When I transferred my stories they disappeared from the virus computer altogether. Tonight I tried to put them into the old computer. This monster is very, very, very slow. My stories are not on the USBkey. They have all vanished. Not all is lost though because I don't erase my important emails and my first short story was edited. So I downloaded it. That worked but was very slow. So much so that I fear this computer will not last long enough for me to find enough money to replace it. This means that my almost completed second short story is dust. I have an excerpt here on my blog but that is all and I only had a little more to write. It also means that all the work I did on the sequel to my epic fantasy is also lost, as well as numerous ideas and notes.

I bet a lot of you have had similar things happen to you and you are wondering why I am so down. Let me explain a little further. This kind of thing happens to me all the time. This year alone I have faced one crisis after another. I've listed them.

I need to save $3,000.00 to get my teeth pulled. That doesn't count the dentures I will need. The insurance pays half which means it will really cost over $6,000.00 and no Dentist is willing to help me without the money up front.

I've been trying to save. Because I have a heart murmur this is a life and death crisis. I'm not kidding.

Last spring I was rear ended. They totaled the car. My husband was between jobs so we had to keep the rental past the time frame the Insurance co. paid for it. We had it for six weeks total. Out of pocket cost for us was over $1,000.00.

Three months later I was rear ended again. Everything was paid for by the Insurance co. however that was the week we had hail and flooding here in Colorado. We have a $500.00 deductible. The car repair place said we'd have our car back in 5 days. Because of the weather we added out of pocket Insurance in case the car was hailed on or someone ran into it. Our car took 11 days. Out of pocket cost for us was over $300.00. that is all I had saved for my teeth.

The starter went out on the car the first week of November. We had to go to a loan shark. $600.00

My husbands hours have been cut back. They aren't as busy this time of year.

Last year the company my husband worked for was based in Nebraska. Unknown to us they didn't pay any income taxes to the State of Colorado. We don't owe a lot and we assumed that Colorado would simply keep our tax return. No. Two weeks ago we received a letter stating that his new job had to pay an additional 25%. That equals $200 on $800. I can't pay all the bills now let alone save for my teeth.

Now, my computer has died and I've lost all my stories.

So you see, I have a good reason to cry. And because these kinds of things happen to me year after year, I have begun to ask the question. Why should I bother?

If you'd like to help my stories are on Amazon in e-format. Click the links at the top left banner of this blog. they are both only 99 cents. If you'd like to read an excerpt from my short story scroll down to the post below this one. (The Treasures of Carmelidrium, an epic fantasy and The Magic of Windlier Woods, a children's story.) Some of you have already purchased and read them, thank you.

Thanks for your time.

To read other post click the link below.

PS. It's Tuesday night. My eyes are burning due to all the crying I did. My emotions are better so it's back to work. I must write. I'm a writer. Nancy


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Nancy, I'm sorry! Do you know anyone who is a computer expert that could help you retrieve that lost story and do it for free? Can someone help you by printing out the other one so you have it, just in case? Just keep fighting, no matter how dark it gets.

Chrys Fey said...

I've struggled with depression, and I know it's not easy -especially when things like this happen.

Viruses, Trojans, and other computer illnesses has caused me a lot of grief in the past. I am sorry for all of your troubles and I hope everything gets better soon! I'll say a prayer for you, my friend.

Elsie Amata said...

Oh, Nancy, my heart goes out to you. I'm sending you a cyberhug right now, my friend. I pray things start looking up for you soon. You deserve a turn for the best.


co-host IWSG

N. R. Williams said...

Hi Alex,
No I don't know any computer geeks. I have a computer brain though and it will retrieve and improve. Thanks for your concern.

Hi Chrys
How sweet of you to call me friend. that alone makes me smile.

Hi Elsie
You also called me friend. Thanks so much.

When anyone has a bad time of it, being called a friend can mean a great deal.

Suzanne Furness said...

Oh Nancy I am so sorry. Know we are all thinking of you out here and remember we are your friends. Sending a massive cyber hug your way.

N. R. Williams said...

Thank you so much Suzanne.

Elsie Amata said...

I understand how touching being called a friend can be. I hope it made your day a bit brighter. =)

Kim Van Sickler said...

You do deserve a good cry! It will ultimately make you feel better. And maybe in time some of your issues will provide their own leads/answers. How about talking to someone at your local library about your computer problems and seeing if they have any suggestions?

I hope your challenges become less challenging soon! You could use a break!
--December IWSG co-host

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I know I've had years where everything piles on, and I think "nothing worse can happen" and yet somehow something worse happens. It's hard, and soul crushing, and I understand the temptation to just quit and let the world roll over you. All I can say is I feel like I've felt your pain, and just know that you're not the alone in feeling like there's no point to even trying anymore.

I know a good cry helps. It lets the emotions out, and - at least for me - once those are out, I can think a little more clearly. Just keep going. Keep writing. Keep doing something that keeps you focused and sane.

Sending cyberhugs and thoughts of goodwill in your direction.

N. R. Williams said...

Thanks Elsie, Kim and Jennifer.

I do feel better after my cry and I guess I am a writer because I just keep writing.

Yolanda Renee said...

I hate crying too, but sometimes it is so necessary - just to move forward! I saw on FB that you found some handwritten work, that's awesome!
I had similiar things happen, and I especially realized after our fire that I needed to do something and found DropBox - it's a free site that will upload your files automatically into the 'cloud' and if anything happens to your computer you just sign onto the web and gather it all up - it is free and you pick the files that get saved. I don't remember how often they do the back up but I think it's daily, actually, I think - as you change a file they re-save it. I also have Carbonite - same thing really, except it covers all my computer files and costs $59 per year. rwBut DropBox is free. Please, please get it as soon as you get back up and running! This kind of loss is just too awful. The website should be - or just google it.

Feel better, and remember, you are a writer and every rewrite is better!

N. R. Williams said...

Thanks Yolanda, I will definitely get it. Free is always good.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Nancy .. so essential to save everything isn't it - just in case. But you sound as though you've had a tough (very) year and times at the moment - I feel for you ... Perhaps someone has a spare computer (old one) you could borrow pro-tem - but the cloud things help ... you can also email stories to your self -if you use gmail or similar .. then you can access them that way ...

Good luck and I do hope life eases a little - with thoughts - Hilary

N. R. Williams said...

Thanks Hilary