The idea behind this blog hop is to be encouraged or provide encouragement to the blog author who is participating. This month I need a virtual tissue.
It is Monday night as I write this and I have been crying for two hours. Why?
Because I have a demon that follows me around. He is a big blue blob with a down turned mouth and droopy eyes and his name is 'Why should I bother.' Another name he goes by is depression. Oh yes, I suffer from this terrible illness and it has me in its grip tonight. Why?
I have been working hard on a series of short stories with a goal to put them up two weeks apart starting the week of Christmas. My goal is to allow readers to find me. Readers haven't discovered me in any number even though I've got two e-books available. Sadly, I won't achieve my goal. Why?
My computer has been attacked by numerous virus over the last three years and this week it stopped allowing me online. So I put all my stories on a USBkey and dug out my old computer. When I transferred my stories they disappeared from the virus computer altogether. Tonight I tried to put them into the old computer. This monster is very, very, very slow. My stories are not on the USBkey. They have all vanished. Not all is lost though because I don't erase my important emails and my first short story was edited. So I downloaded it. That worked but was very slow. So much so that I fear this computer will not last long enough for me to find enough money to replace it. This means that my almost completed second short story is dust. I have an excerpt here on my blog but that is all and I only had a little more to write. It also means that all the work I did on the sequel to my epic fantasy is also lost, as well as numerous ideas and notes.
I bet a lot of you have had similar things happen to you and you are wondering why I am so down. Let me explain a little further. This kind of thing happens to me all the time. This year alone I have faced one crisis after another. I've listed them.
I need to save $3,000.00 to get my teeth pulled. That doesn't count the dentures I will need. The insurance pays half which means it will really cost over $6,000.00 and no Dentist is willing to help me without the money up front.
I've been trying to save. Because I have a heart murmur this is a life and death crisis. I'm not kidding.
Last spring I was rear ended. They totaled the car. My husband was between jobs so we had to keep the rental past the time frame the Insurance co. paid for it. We had it for six weeks total. Out of pocket cost for us was over $1,000.00.
Three months later I was rear ended again. Everything was paid for by the Insurance co. however that was the week we had hail and flooding here in Colorado. We have a $500.00 deductible. The car repair place said we'd have our car back in 5 days. Because of the weather we added out of pocket Insurance in case the car was hailed on or someone ran into it. Our car took 11 days. Out of pocket cost for us was over $300.00. that is all I had saved for my teeth.
The starter went out on the car the first week of November. We had to go to a loan shark. $600.00
My husbands hours have been cut back. They aren't as busy this time of year.
Last year the company my husband worked for was based in Nebraska. Unknown to us they didn't pay any income taxes to the State of Colorado. We don't owe a lot and we assumed that Colorado would simply keep our tax return. No. Two weeks ago we received a letter stating that his new job had to pay an additional 25%. That equals $200 on $800. I can't pay all the bills now let alone save for my teeth.
Now, my computer has died and I've lost all my stories.
So you see, I have a good reason to cry. And because these kinds of things happen to me year after year, I have begun to ask the question. Why should I bother?
If you'd like to help my stories are on Amazon in e-format. Click the links at the top left banner of this blog. they are both only 99 cents. If you'd like to read an excerpt from my short story scroll down to the post below this one. (The Treasures of Carmelidrium, an epic fantasy and The Magic of Windlier Woods, a children's story.) Some of you have already purchased and read them, thank you.
Thanks for your time.
Nancy
To read other post click the link below.
http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com/p/the-insecure-writers-support-group.html
PS. It's Tuesday night. My eyes are burning due to all the crying I did. My emotions are better so it's back to work. I must write. I'm a writer. Nancy
